Love and Assassins – Chapter Two – Part Two

Love and Assassins
Chapter Two – Part Two

I made some more coffee by reusing the same grounds as before and sat back down in front of my notes, picking up the can of beer and finishing it off.

“Okay. Wrist slashing is for massochists.” I crossed it off the list. Then as an afterthought I put a little check in the square beside it. At least I could feel like I was making some progress.

“Okay. Next: hanging.”

I looked about the room. In the center of the ceiling a small fan hung, slowly turning on its axis. That would do. They always used those in the movies.

I grabbed the twine, unreeling it on the floor and tying a noose at the end of it. Or at least a loop with a knot in it big enough to fit my head through.

Wait, that won’t work, what if I slip out? It needed to be tight around my neck, no accidents, this was going to be the one.

I started to undo the knot and ended up breaking my finger nail half off. Fuck. Where are those scissors?

A few minutes later I was tying another loop, this one around my neck. Fumbling with the knot I finally got it tight enough, very tight. I looked down at the long thread dangling from my neck, smiling proudly at my creation. This was going to work.

Now I needed something to stand on. I looked around. I owned no chairs, those were all back at the house where Jack was probably getting a blow job sitting on one.

I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The time for anger was past. This was the time for effective action. And deep breaths.

Okay. Look around. What can I use?

My eyes fell on the many boxes littering the floor.

“Right,” I said to myself, rubbing my hands together, “let’s do this.”

I dragged the box containing my weights under the fan and stepped onto it, reaching up to the fan. Too short, okay…

Beside me another box sat, one side torn to the bottom and open, housing a stack of old records without cases, hand me downs from my mother.

“Mom, I’ll see you soon,” I said, smiling at the stack. Then I paused, thinking. “Oh no. No, wait, I won’t, that’s – wrong place. Never mind that mom,” I called. “If you were listening.”

I picked up the box and put it on the first. It was stable. Good. Climbing up I nearly slipped as one of the records moved under my foot, but I caught myself! This was it. This was it. Nothing was stopping me this time.

I reached up, tying a new loop around the top of the fan. If only it would stop turning.

A minute later I had it. I was so excited. I stood there on my tiptoes tying one last knot around the fan axis, just to make sure it would hold, when suddenly the record began to slide out from under my feet.

No, no, no, no, no… Fuck!

I fell, my legs swinging out as the loop caught me under the jaw, carving into the soft skin of my throat.

Fuck that hurts! That fucking hurts!

I screamed but nothing came out.

Legs swinging below me I grasped the loop around my neck with one hand, reaching for the top knot with the other.

Come on, baby, come on!

I could feel the blood rushing to my head. My lungs were burning already and it had only been a minute.

Fuck this hurts!

I tried to stand but the records kept slipping out from under my toes, flying off like frisbees on speed. Finally, kicking out with my feet in panic, the whole box fell away leaving me to dangle in empty space.

Well, this was it, I thought as the edges of my vision blurred into darkness. I was going to die now. Maybe not as calmly or as quickly or as painlessly as I’d originally wanted, but it was happening.

My head felt like it was going to explode, my chest was on fire. Everything was going dark, fading out, until all I saw was a thin tunnel of light stretching out before me like a path, so bright and beautiful. I could almost see a beautiful woman on the other side dressed all in white, smiling compassionately, her arms held out to me, beckoning. This was it. Goodbye world.


The fan came out of the ceiling part way, jolting me and powdering my face with dry wall dust which stung my eyes.

I swung my legs, impulsively, kicking out in protest of my eyes being raped, when suddenly the incomplete knot around the fan began to loosen, the twine slipping through the loop in quick, short bursts.

No. Please, fucking damn it!

I couldn’t see anything, my vision gone. But I could hear it all, every little hitch of movement right up to the end as with one final hitch it came undone sending me crashing down on my back, my head connecting painfully with the box of weights, the beautiful woman at the end of the tunnel gone.

I lay there for several minutes, gasping for air as my lungs screamed, looking up at the treasonous fan where it hung, held only by its wires.

Fucking assholes! I mean what company makes a ceiling fan that won’t hold a person’s weight? What if kids were swinging on it?

I closed my eyes. Mental note: If I live through my suicide, find out who makes those fans and fucking sue them. Freakin safety hazards.

A knock at the door brought me to and I stood up, dazed, nearly tripping on one of the records before finally making it to my feet. Cringing at the pain in my neck and throbbing head I walked over to the door and opened it.

A woman stood there holding a baby wrapped in a pink blanket. She had blonde hair, pulled back in a braid and big blue eyes to match her sunny smile. She couldn’t have been more than thirty at the most.

“Hi! I’m so sorry to disturb you, but no one else is home now and I heard you banging around over here. Tee-hee! My name’s Cristin, my husband and I just moved in over here down the hall from you. Thirteen B!” She squealed with excitement, her smile broadening as she shook back and forth. “Yes sir,” she nodded to herself, “came all the way from Georgia to the big city. Got our own home now. He’s out working, first day at the new job.

“Anyways, my baby is hungry and I just found I’m out of milk and was wondering if…” Her sentence trailed off as she took in the scene, her eyes flashing to the ceiling fan behind me, to the mess of boxes, to the twine around my neck and finally to my bandaged wrist.

“You know it looks like I’ve caught you at a bad time. I’ll just check with someone else.” She scrunched her face into a smile and turned, hurrying back down the hallway. A moment later I heard a door being slammed and bolted.

“Mmm…” I groaned, closing and bolting my own door again.

Next up is: Love and Assassins – Chapter Two – Part Three

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